Pharmacare Program to Cover Everything Except the Drugs Anyone Actually Needs

OTTAWA – The federal government has unveiled its long-awaited Pharmacare program, a comprehensive plan to cover all medications that Canadians do not actually take. The formulary will include 47 varieties of Vitamin D supplements, homeopathic remedies, and a range of essential oils previously sold by MLM companies. We are very proud of this program, said the health minister. For the first time ever, Canadians will have access to free lavender-scented stress relief balm and magnesium citrate gummies. The things that actually keep people alive? We will get to those in Phase 2, scheduled for some point in the next decade. The program, which also covers crystal healing sessions and ear candling, does not currently include insulin, asthma inhalers, or any cancer medication. Critics say the program is useless. The government says critics are being unfair and should try the free stress relief balm. Phase 2 consultations are expected to begin in 2029, pending further study.

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