Bermuda Papers: Canada Wealthiest Have $300 Billion Offshore – CRA Says Still Working on It Since 2016

HAMILTON, BERMUDA – A decade after the Panama Papers, and years after the Bermuda Papers revealed that Canada wealthiest families have stashed an estimated $300 billion in offshore tax havens, the CRA has announced it is still actively working on the file.

We have assigned our best intern to the case, said a CRA spokesperson. She is very diligent and we expect a preliminary report sometime before the heat death of the universe.

Notably, the $300 billion offshore would be enough to fund Canadian healthcare for three years. But instead, it is generating returns for people who do not need the money and paying for nothing in Canada.

When asked why no charges have ever been laid in connection with the Bermuda Papers revelations, the RCMP said they were still reviewing the evidence and asked that we stop calling.